Our Real Life Experience With CPTSD & PTSD

Comments

  1. I am so grateful to have come across your website. My husband was just recently diagnosed with PTSD. He’s been in Law Enforcement for 25yrs mostly in high risk areas and he just went through his 2nd shooting with a fatality, which basically opened the flood gates for something none of us where expecting. He knew the walls where starting to close in but thought ” I have 5yrs left to retire I can suck it up and make it” but started to see a counselor. Small panic attacks, lack of sleep and little mistakes caught up and he has been asked to resign just 2mths post PTSD diagnosis. 12yrs with his current department without a write up or letter in his file and they are throwing him away without a thought. So a horrible diagnosis , losing the only career he’s ever known, the financial fear of what’s to come, and the lack of resources that are offered have exacerbated the problem even more. I see the strongest person I’ve ever known crumbling before my eyes and I have no idea how to help him. I’ve read through the website and see a glimmer of hope that not only could he go into remission but tools I can use to help him and keep our marriage intact. Thank you so much for taking your time, sharing your wisdom, and giving newcomers that one little spark of hope that there is life after PTSD.

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  3. I am currently desperately trying to find a therapist for myself, however at the same time debating if I should just try the VA for Marriage Couples Counseling? I am praying that he would accept going. Then also contemplating if I should go through VA or private. I have this gut feeling he may resist the VA facility more than a private one. This has been so stressful, just doing the search alone for the right person during a time of need.

    • Hello Maureen,

      What kind of information regarding Complex PTSD is most significant for you at this time?

      Thanks so much for reaching out to me.
      PTSD Wifey

  4. Hello everyone. First of all, forgive my English (I am not mother tongue so mistakes are around the corner). I met my boyfriend a year ago, while we both were deployed. He was already retired, he is a Veteran. After our first date, he told me straight away he had PTSD. I really appreciated his honesty not even knowing what that could mean. I was familiar with PTSD because of my job but not about the effects on him…and on me.
    We are apart at the moment, since months. We still together but it’s like a roller coaster. He doesn’t go to therapy, not only because he is deployed now, he never went or talked about it even when we both were living together in the USA. Tried to talk to him but no response. While there, we went through a lot. Explosive anger, depression, fear, fear of being left (from me), guilt, pain, cheating (not from my side). He is most of the time over – stressed. Hurting (also physically). Angry.
    I know some of his triggers and how to relax him and help him sleep. He is recently complaining about nightmares. Since we are in two different countries.
    Discussions are very difficult. Extremely complicated. I am always there for him, because I want to and I do love him. Very much. I just wish I could know how to make him feel better. How to help him. I hope I have given a bit of information in my post. Thank you very much.

  5. My husband and I have recently been struggling and I have realized ptsd is the source. He got out of the army in 2013 and was snot diagnosed. However, his symptoms have just became more and more since he came home from deployment. He has never sought help because he of course sees it as weakness. Now we are at the point that he hates himself has attempted suicide and doesn’t know if he loves me anymore. He has agreed to get help, and my main priority is helping him whether he loves me or not. But of course I want to try to salvage our marriage as well. I’m just so scared that it’s too late.

  6. Thank you for writing openly about this issue! I think my marriage might be headed down this road. My husband, who is an Army veteran, has some serious problems with memory and decision making. Just asking him where he wants to eat dinner is like asking him to make a life or death decision… he gets so frustrated and confused. Add in more complicated decisions like what school our daughter should attend, which plumber to use, or what car to purchase and it feels like such a nightmare for both of us. I find things in odd places: leftover meals placed in the pantry instead of the refrigerator or his keys in the closet on top of our bath towels. He misunderstands entire conversations, reaching conclusions that were never discussed and ignoring those that were clearly spelled out. He shows no other signs of PTSD or a TBI – no mood swings or fits of rage, so it has taken us awhile to realize this is not normal. Yet, we are only in our 30s and I often feel like I am living with an Alzheimer’s patient. He has filed claims with the VA that have gotten nowhere. Because he doesn’t suffer the emotional/mood symptoms, they always brush it off as stress. I find myself getting frustrated with him for not understanding things and I get resentful that I have to do all of the mental labor in our household. I want to do better and learn to be more patient. I also want to get him help, but I’m not sure where to turn. I look forward to reading your blog to try to get some answers and advice. Thanks again!

  7. This seems like a great resource and I need to explore a lot more. I have been reading PTSD information for a year and while I understand PTSD, I have no idea how to deal with a husband who has it. I have am abusive ex and here I am again. In all honesty my husband just left AGAIN…this time is different though. I told him to go…usually he just shuts down and punished me by abandoning me (he knows that I have issues with abandonment so it is his go to strategy to avoid) not sure he knows that, but at least it is different for me this time. It’s a boundary thing. Like a previous poster…my husband and I were engaged 40 years ago when after a two year relationship he joined the military and left me behind as a 16 yo (giving me my very own PTSD)…two years ago we were married and it has been a nightmare almost every single day. He has manipulative family members who have been using him for years as his PTSD has made him “everything is good as long as no one has any conflict” man. Anyone can do anything to anyone as long as no one complains. Problem is marrying me upset their Apple cart and there is constant conflict and triggering. He retired a year and a half ago and has been in weekly counseling for PTSD as we are also in individual and couples counseling. All has gone NOWHERE except that he entered a residential PTSD program two weeks ago. He says he is progressing some but he won’t “process” at all..will take about the trauma events but not his emotions -“so maybe he can’t stay in the program because he isn’t ready to process enter.” I love this man. I know he loves me. But this is hell. I am devastated that I told him to leave (he is coming home on weekends) but I can’t keep doing this. Managing our life and Home all week while he tries to process and having him come home for a weekend of dealing with manipulators I have to appease lest I trigger him. I think I’m right to kick him out. But I feel mean and I feel sad and I feel loss.

  8. I am new to this group, It took me 47 years and I see now that I really need help and support for my severe Pdsd this and anxiety and depression is taking a toll on my health and need to do something before it ends me… It is very difficult to talk about the trama I went through as a child and the affects still ruin me to this day , when in relationships I am always the giver and never have the support for what I went through. I always get told your an adult you can forget everything, put it in the past and move on. I am finding it very difficult.

    • Dearest James,

      My heart just broke for you. Many of us in our PTSD Community totally understand exactly how you feel. We too have felt the same way. These unruly symptoms will bring someone to a low and dark place. But, this is significantly the main reason to connect with others who truly understand. What I love the most out of the connections I’ve been blessed with (others with PTSD), is that we can literally talk about anything, ptsd related, or simply anything. Just knowing that someone else “gets us”, does wonders for our recovery.

      Have you thought about treatment? There are wonderful medical professionals who specialize in trauma and can help you find relief.

      I’d like to invite you to our Facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/ptsdwifeyblog

      Where you will feel normal, because, you ARE NORMAL! It’s okay that you have PTSD, and it’s okay it gets the best of us at times. You can take the control back, minimize your symptoms & frequency, and enjoy finding a romantic interest with a caring person who will learn about you, triggers, coping, and all else. Instead of what you have experienced recently.

      I feel you will find these two articles valuable. Please reach out any time my friend.

      (1.) http://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-quotes-inspiration/

      (2.) http://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-sleep/

      Hang in there James!!

  9. I have just rekindled an old relationship from 20+ years ago. The man I have now is not the young man I had then. He is a veteran and suffers from combat PTSD. I come from a military family myself, but all served during peace times. I love him very much and want to do all I can to ease his pain. I am reading all I can and have read excerpts that could have been written exclusively about him. He gets very uncomfortable when I express my feelings of love, nurturing, and intimacy. I understand that is part of PTSD. Just recently, I have experienced him “turning” on me, and this was the first time. It was like a switch flipped. We were having a conversation about starting the process of purchasing a home and then he commented about something else and I guess my response wasn’t to his liking and he shut me out.
    We are not married at this time; but are planning on it in the near future. I WANT to marry him, I love him deeply. What can I do to ease his afflictions and not contribute to them.

    • Hello dear,

      I’m very happy to hear that you and your partner are looking to get married and to move forward with your relationship. There’s no easy answer on how to perfect a relationship that faces PTSD. However regarding Trust, people that suffer from PTSD have a extremely hard time fully trusting others, and letting them in. The best advice that I can give you is to consistently be a good listener and reassure him that you are on his side, you guys are on the same team, and that it’s okay that he has PTSD and you love him. All of him! Which includes the PTSD.

      Whenever you notice him in an anxious way or experiencing PTSD symptoms, the best thing to do is ask him what can I do to best support you in this moment right now. I still ask my husband how I can best support him when he’s in a way.And we’ve been managing PTSD for years together now. Sometimes he just needs me to listen and not give advice or input, then sometimes he wants advice, but 99% of the time he just needs me to hug him and look him in the eyes and tell him everything’s going to be okay and that it’s okay that he has PTSD, and that I love him. We call this process “Loving it away”.

      A couple years ago we went through the same kind of thing where he did not trust anybody and would be combative towards me & even mean, and I had not given him a reason to not trust me. This always hurt my heart and left me just as confused as you are right now. But over time, he realized that I was the only consistent person in his life who truly accepted & loved him unbridled.

      Another thing to keep in mind, is when you start picking up on PTSD symptoms when you guys are having a serious conversation like purchasing a home or making wedding plans, change the subject to something lighter and wait until his PTSD symptoms subside to continue the serious conversation. He doesn’t mean to shut you out it’s his symptoms that get in the way. So, on his good days it’s the best time to bring the topic up again. This could mean that you have a couple of smaller conversations over a period of time before you guys finish talking about a topic like purchasing a home. With that being said, keep doing what you’re doing, just love him, and know that it’s not you personally.

      Please visit my Facebook page & “LIKE” it so that you can receive ongoing support and ideas regarding relationships and PTSD. I also send out a monthly newsletter that is chock-full of advice tips and inspiring topics that’s created just for you. You can subscribe for my website by entering your email address. But before you leave, please check out this article that was written for you, the unsung hero an hour PTSD community.

      http://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-spouses/

      Stay strong my dear, and message me on Facebook through my Facebook page anytime you want to talk or vent or just need a friend. I’m here for you!

  10. I have has ptsd for 10 years.I have o consistent relationships.I have a husband who is gone all of the time.I thank GOD for a roof over my head.NO ONE GETS IT.I wil feel better for a few weeks,then have one trigger,and go into hiding for a month.Addicts,alcoholics,loud noises or music,all family members,dogs,trains,crowds,the media,being alone for months at a time.having to go to stores alone,being around rough looking people,tatoos,any negative dark image,pretty much any dark dank places.Cigarettes,just plain funk.Period.I see the entire world as a filth hole. I have to plan all of my outings ahead.At night I hear the screaming.I am in therapy,but have to take myself everywhere.I cannot get ANY continuous support.And yees I am mad as hades.I try to go to church.I am told satan is after me and I just need to read my Bible more.I am a Christian,I was saved at age twelve,but raped,tortured,then married an abuser,raped and torted and stalked for 30 years,somehow formed a cleaning business,got myself off welfare,raised my daughter alone and dodged more predators,went to college got a degree and then got hit with the ptsd.Hospitalized and tramatized some more.I never have drank or used drugs.It was all around me.tried to commit suicide.Every shrink or therapist I have been to says I have complex ptsd the worse kind.I trust NO ONE,unfortuneately church is the worst place.I am constantly in fear and hypervigilant.No pity or compassion for us.We are victimized over and over again.

    • Dear Valerie,

      I appreciate so much how transparent you explained CPTSD! It’s not easy telling our story, and to share yours biblically here on our website is not only brave, it will give people a true & concise description of what Post traumatic stress disorder is in real life. The more we can educate the world about the true dark nature of our disease, we can hopefully gain compassion, support, and validation from those who don’t “get it”.

      You have accomplished so much and refuse to allow CPTSD to restrain you from your pursuit of happiness and recovery! You are not alone. There are millions of us out here that know what you struggle with daily. Hang in there sister. ♡♡♡

  11. Hi. Just discovered my fiancé has PTSD. Your website is a life saver and blessing. The wedding is on hold for now. I am not sure if it is wise to move ahead with marriage given the high divorce rate for couples experiencing PTSD. Priority #1 is to keep the relationship and help my fiancé heal. I think that might mean not getting married. I have just scratched the surface of this stuff, so much to learn. What are your thoughts on this? Is the PTSD easier to manage if the couple does not live together (i.e., when we need a safe zone and some space, we have our own places to go to?). I appreciate any advice you can give.

    • Hello Diane,

      Thank you for reaching out!! How long have you known your fiance? You propose a very valid question that is difficult to answer. Primarily because each couple is different, and, a lot of it has to do with where your partner is on their journey. For instance, were they recently diganosed? Are they in therapy? Do they see someone for med management? Are you willing to go to therapy for yourself? (I highly recommend that you Do, it helped me so much). If you are more comfortable emailing me, I’m happily to discuss these and more with you. I’m also happy to reply here on my website too ☺. With the additional info I can give you better advice.

      Sincerely,
      PTSD Wifey

  12. Hi PTSD Wifey Team,

    My name is Anuj Agarwal. I’m Founder of Feedspot.

    I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog PTSD Wifey has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 75 PTSD Blogs on the web.

    http://blog.feedspot.com/ptsd_blogs/

    I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 75 PTSD Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!

    Also, you have the honor of displaying the badge on your blog.

    Best,
    Anuj

    • What an honor! Thank you for nominating PTSDWifey.com and awarding me with ranking 36 of 75 Top PTSD Blogs/Websites. I am speechless, excited, and humble all at the same time.

      Thank you for all that you do Anuj. Take care.

  13. I’m interested in following this discussion. I am recovering from severe P.T.S.D. which led to years of isolation and self medication. I have D.I.D. and my therapist also had D.I.D. but has integrated and is a Doctor of Psychology. Though she says she is high functioning, the years of traumatic sex abuse have kind of left a mark on her soul and says there is always that “stain” but it doesn’t have to dominate our lives.
    I could never work indoors, or around people. Close contact was exhausting as my hyper-vigilance went into overdrive. My dad was a sociopath and a pedophile, so it was like living in a major hurricane for 18 years. My nervous system was set on high and I unconsciously searched out women who were severely abused as children so we “vibrated” (for lack of a better word) energetically at the same level. This is also a great way to block memories because when you are running from one traumatic event to another, you can’t feel much.A calm person couldn’t tolerate the level of anxiety I required just to get through the day and they would also get me too close to the door where all the pain is buried behind.
    I began using caffeine as my drug of choice and coffee has been my abiding partner in this passion play of self abuse and personal control. I also started drinking at night when I was 28 years old. I couldn’t understand why I craved that one drink at night but understood after I took my blood pressure. My blood pressure, when seated was running at 160 over 128 and when I took my blood pressure after my drink it dropped to 117 over 75. So, in a way alcohol may have saved my life, though it increases blood pressure the following day, and there is the need for a ton of coffee as the alcohol interferes with deep sleep and leads to mental and physical exhaustion. Kind of an evil see saw.
    I became a caregiver to a man who was a recluse and had an explosive temper. This was the first job I ever had where I worked in close contact with people which of course brought up all of my issues and nearly cost me my job as I would have massive panic attacks when large groups of people would come to the house or around the family on holidays. So the job was a blessing because I had to finally face my abuse of coffee. I’m down to one cup of half decaf and half coffee. Which is an improvement from seven strong cups of coffee I was accustomed to.
    The thing that helped me was a blood pressure cuff. I started seeing that my blood pressure was literally a few steps from a major heart attack or stroke. So I started meditation and belly breathing which helped. Some people may have tried blood pressure medication but I chose not to. I use wheat berry, quercetin and celery seed which seems to be helping. I also came to realize that my panic attacks started because I would stop breathing or would restrict my breathing to my upper chest, basically choking myself to nearly passing out. So when I feel the panic coming on I start to focus on deep breathing which has helped.
    I refer to my terror episodes as second brain behavior. The old brain that was shaped by the 18 years of living with my dad. First brain is used to just do normal daily stuff. When I feel this panic coming on I just start saying this is second brain behavior and is no longer necessary. It sometimes helps because I could not understand in very calm situation why I felt like I was dying. I just go “oh, this is an old brain behavior” and I can sometimes stop the panic. Still a work in progress. Hope this helps. Thanks for fighting the good fight.

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