PTSDWifey is a place where you will learn what you really want to know about (C)PTSD support, recovery, and remission.
First off, you definitely came to the right place. Here you will read about PTSD Support, information on Recovery, and how to put your symptoms into Remission where they belong. But that’s not all. More importantly you will find peace of mind regarding your relationship facing PTSD. That’s right. Real life PTSD support for couples, parents, family members, friends, and advocates – PTSD Community’s Unsung Heroes.
No medical jargon here. Just the good honest truth about what really goes on, why, and what everyone involved can do to help. If you have this little mental speed bump call PTSD – you need to know that you aren’t always the one responsible for your behavior (symptoms). For instance, everyone close to you plays a role. Easy to see, they can be affected by it to. Everyone in your life will either be a part of the problem, or part of the solution. In turn, the same goes for you. We are a community of diverse people diagnosed with the upper echelon of all mental health disorders. Yes, PTSD is the creme dela creme. Own that chit! Doesn’t if feel good to finally be on the right website?
♡♡♡ SHARING IS CARING♡♡♡
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Welcome to a Better Kind of PTSD Support
A thoughtful community focused on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (CPTSD). Here you will find the next level of PTSD support, recovery, and improved health that you really want! Subscribe Today to receive my latest articles that include stories of what my husband and I experienced when Post Traumatic Stress Disorder surfaced; and learn what you really want to know about PTSD.
Another Website about PTSD: What’s So Different?
Everything! Find answers you so desperately want. Details from real life PTSD experiences. Another benefit to visiting our unique website is the shared intel we’ve learned over the last few years. An organized compilation from numerous medical professionals. On top of that add the personal perspective from people who have PTSD in their lives. Our main goal is to peel away stigma and increase awareness.
I mean, seriously, we’re not monsters. In fact, we are very intelligent, talented, and capable individuals. What we share here comes from love, real experiences, and multitudes of professional/medical encounters.
Everyone Needs a PTSD Support System
Essentially, the best part about PTSDWifey’s website is restoring inspiration and hope for you and your loved ones. Begin with the menu at the top of this page and explore! Yes, go click-happy. There’s something for everyone, whether you are a PTSD survivor, a spouse, or a brand new couple. Maybe you’re here looking for ways to help your children undersdand PTSD. Or perhaps a family member or close friend wanting to understand PTSD because you care and want to show your support.
Ultimately, everyone can learn something new here. Remember to share your favorite articles with others. Maybe that brother of yours who just doesn’t “get it”. Or Mother who redundantly tells you to “just let it go and get over it already”. Better yet, my personal favorite – the wives, husbands, and significant others who are terrified and desire (C)PTSD answers, stability, and peace so badly. This was me, the wife, back in early 2015.
Thousands of (C)PTSD Websites Online
What do you usually see on other (C)PTSD websites and blogs? Think about it. You’re scouring the internet, relentlessly looking for some kind of help? But, you find sites that really amplify the negatives of (C)PTSD. Or, the information is written in medical and scientific context, which in turn, can be hard to follow. Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely a need for these resources. But the definitions can be confusing and hard to understand. Not only that, but medical sites fail to include real life examples. Instead you read terminology, maybe a list of symptoms, and medications that may or may not help. Or the informal self administered tests to determine if you have PTSD. It’s all pretty vague.
I was there, in front of my lap top for countless hours. And, for over two years trying to find answers. I needed hope for my family and researched PTSD online, just like you are now. The good new is that PTSDWifey will provide so many answers to your most challenging (C)PTSD issues. Answers that you never thought you’d find.
PTSD Support, Recovery, and Remission
With this in mind, don’t forget to subscribe to my eNewsletter. Your FREE (C)PTSD Support newsletter includes recent articles and education on the latest advice to those that support their loved ones with (C)PTSD. As well as, healthy tips to reduce stress and anxiety. Very important to point out is, depending on what’s going on in our home, we do our best to update you with acuerate content as often as possible. Then, we send your newsletter out once a month. Now, keep in mind that I practice what I preach, so if one month you don’t see a newsletter it’s because I had to take some time for my own self-care. And theres probably PTSD or depression responsible for inconsistencies.
Want the know the best part though? You won’t get an inbox full of annoying spam when you subscribe to our PTSD eNewsletter (don’t worry, I don’t like junk mail either)!
Your PTSD Support System: Whats Most Important?
- PTSD Support – Best practices to keep your marriage and family stronger than ever.
- Recovery – The story of my husband’s PTSD from the onset of symptoms to his actual diagnosis. Then what’s happened from diagnosis to today’s experiences.
- Remission – What PTSD remission and recovery looks like and how we worked to get to this far in our journey. You too can have full remission of your PTSD symptoms and enjoy life in recovery.
First of all, visit the different categories listed above to find specific content that meets your immediate needs. Then browse around to find out other things you want to know regarding PTSD Support, Recovery, and Remission.
Don’t leave before reading:
- PTSD And Marriage Guide – Featured on the Department of Veteran Affairs
- PTSD Residual Symptoms – Published in PsychCentral’s Library
Visit PTSD Wifey’s YouTube Channel
“PTSD Marriage Guide: Marriage, Children, & PTSD. What Now?“
Can’t wait that long? I don’t blame ya! Get Yours Now! Huge sale in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. Order your copy instantly when you visit the link above. Click to learn how to improve your life, as well as your family’s today!
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♡ ♡ ♡ Product Affiliate Disclaimer ♡♡♡
Because I am a firm believer in transparency, I want to let you know that my reviews are for products and services that I’ve personally used. Each product listed is something I’ve benefited from, trust, and approve of 100%. If you find these products valuable and purchase any of them to help you or your loved one along your journey to recovery and remission with (C)PTSD, please note that I am compensated for each product purchased. Every commission earned helps to fund my website operating expenses, go towards my mission to form PTSD Wifey as a non-profit, and reach others like you and I who are on the same journey.
Hello mrs. Richardson,
Thank you for leaving such a transparent and honest comment of how you feel regarding where your marriage facing PTSD is. You’re absolutely right, it’s not the easiest thing to keep a marriage together when there is a major mental illness involved, however it’s not impossible. What it does require, however, is both parties on the same page with Boundaries, Therapy, finances, and other expectations of each other.
It breaks my heart to know that you are hurting so bad and it’s such a heart-wrenching and confusing place right now. Your mention concerns are actually very common across relationships and PTSD. What I’ve learned is that both Partners should be in therapy of Their Own because each of you experience PTSD differently. You are the unsung hero, the supportive partner to a spouse with PTSD. And your husband is the one battling PTSD directly on a daily basis.
That being said, if he is working and going to therapy it can really leave him completely exhausted. It really depends on what types of therapy he is going through. EMDR for example, often causes great disorientation, lethargy, and difficulty speaking. Generally for 3-4 hours after a session.
More importantly, you’re not respected, feeling enrichment or intimacy from your spouse which is toxic. I want to extend an invitation to you to join a special Facebook group that is 100% private. Search for “PTSD Wifey – All About PTSD Relationships”.
Stay strong sister, get connected with our group. Everyone has been where you are and will be your new support system.~ ♡ PTSD Wifey
Thank you for this website. I am married to a vet who was recently diagnosed with combat related PTSD. We have been married 15 yrs and dated 5 yrs before. He was already out of the military when I met him. Fast forward to 2019…he has finally started treatment and it has been so hard for us. He has never wanted to discuss anything relating to his Gulf War experience. When I look at the yrs we’ve been together I understand why our marriage has been such a struggle. When I look back over the yrs I’m positive this has caused me severe emotional abuse. It’s almost like he’s been 3 ppl and I’ve enabled him to get better by making excuses and brushing everything wrong that he’s done and continues to do under the rug. It has affected our children and relationship with friends. I think the most important thing to him is to not look like the bad guy. It’s almost as if I’ve masked his issues to our friends and families. I have no clue how to find a therapist or where to begin. This is just too much and God knows if I had the resources I’d leave. I’m so sad about his and even if I say I’m leaving he’s so arrogant and cocky and gets so upset and always blames me for any bad decision or lack of in our finances. We have no intimate life…I just don’t know what to do. The blessing is our kids are grown but they’re over it all and limit dealing with him. I feel I’ve wasted 20 yrs of my life and have given up so much dealing with the mood swings, infidelity, poor decision making…just his overall wreckless behavior. Had I known about PTSD and the stress and unhappiness it has caused me and our kids I’m positive I would’ve never married him. And now that he’s going to counseling it has magnified it and if he’s not working he’s sleeping. I just don’t know.
Hi PTSDWifey,
I am a 33 year old male with C-PTSD. I have been told my reactions to stress are “over the top”, even by certain therapists who really do not believe PTSD exists.
I just wanted to ask what are some of the worst symptoms you have noticed? I would like to compare what you have seen to what I have experienced myself if this is possible.
Thank you.
I am a new wife of a veteran with PTSD, when we met it was in remission. Our 2nd anniversary was March 18th and very lonely for me. He had a PTSD evaluation and has slowly been pulling away from me for over a year. I did meet a counselor on Tuesday for help (I’ll meet weekly) but at this point, I don’t know what to do! . I feel like an invisible roommate in my own home. All intimacy has stopped and I am alone. I almost feel like I’m going crazy, I’m trying to understand his “funk” as he puts it but, I’m the kind of person who needs attention not 24/7 but, something. Please help, I don’t want to divorce I love my husband but, I’m not sure how long I can live like this.
Cindy! You did a terrific job on your YouTube video. You are promoting something so close to my heart. Suicide awareness and prevention. Unfortunately, PTSD and suicide often go hand in hand and we must reach those who are in a bad way and share with them that they can enjoy a quality life. I appreciate your thoughtful comment and sharing your story with us. We work a lot with “Treasure Lives” https://www.treasurelives.org, an organization that focuses on suicide prevention and awareness. Definitely check them out.
I’d love to read your blog. WHat is the url? I look forward to hearing back from you very soon. Hang in there sister. You are not alone. In fact, there’s an amazing PTSD community on Facebook @ptsdwifeyblog with access to a private group from our Facebook page. Swing by and say hello!
Thank you so much for all the love and caring you put into this site!! I am a newbie for anything on the internet so you will plz excuse me for any social or content “no nos” I might put in this message. You have a beautiful website, (or is this a blog?) I really don’t know what to call it. Sorry. I just happened to come across you while doing a search for “posts vs. pages” of all things. The universe has a way of getting us where we need to be. It guess. Just struck me as weird I found you. I started out on my journey to try and reach out to those suffering from anything in life that might cause a person to put a gun in their mouth or a noose around their neck. Sounds pretty dramatic, doesn’t it? Sorry about that but I will not sugarcoat what suicide really is and the real result of their actions. About a yr. ago I lost another person I loved to hopelessness. I have also thought about it several times in my life. CPTSD is so fixed in my mind (with no hope of getting better as they say) that I can’t get anyone to take me as a patient to relive me of the constant “waiting to see what happens next” nightmare. Too many witnessed violent murders, suicides, TBI that resulted in removing a subdural hematoma from my brain and 27 years later brought on two types of intractable seizures that ended two wonderful careers. I can no longer work, sit here all day every day for the last 17 years, and more. Any and all types of therapists think this is too much for one middle classed, suburban woman to have seen. I guess. They literally have told me, “We can’t help you. I’ts above out pay grade.” That’s five of them. I don’t know much about how things work on blogs, youtube channels, websites, etc., but I had someone tell me that there is a lot of mistrust because people who are just trying to get “hits, or scores, or views, or whatever they are called to get some sort of recognition, money or something like that. It’s hard to believe someone’s motives for asking people to go to your own blog, youtube channel, and be sincere about the reason you would like a person to listen or read what you have placed on the internet. I will stop all of my” plz forgive me and trust me” babble and just ask you. You and I have the same motive and concerns. Will you consider watching my youtube video https://goo.gl/Vaj1FQ and read my blogs? That’s all of your time I will take for this moment. I hope you can email me at——-and let me know what you think. I can sure use your advice and help if you so wish to give it to me. I can say to a lot of people. “I know how you feel, I’ve been there. I am there.” Won’t you help me help them? All of us help each other? P.S. By the way, I was so nervous when I filmed that video. You probably need to watch it to the end if I am to have any credibility to say I know what I am talking about.
I have read many testimonies here and appreciate the transparency of every individual here. Back in my day, there were no websites, nor much information about PTSD management.
Since I am new to this website — 27 years into PTSD, I will be writing a bit scattered (writing one finger at a time on my phone doesn’t make it any easier).
I was diagnosed with severe PTSD 27 years ago, which was brought on by an abusive new husband at a young age, who had been abused as a child — I had no idea that I would suffer serious vicarious trauma…and still have the scars.
I ended up leaving my abusuve ex-husband with my 8-month-old baby girl.
I had a good therapist, whom taught me much about body work. It’s amazing how much of the trauma is ‘in the body.’ I learned to manage my ‘unconscious’ symptoms by going to my room privately if I felt something ‘weird’ in my stomach — I didn’t know that it was an initial onset of a PTSD episode that was starting with minor anxiety.
…Once I felt ‘that weird feeling,’ I would slip into my room and do 10 deep belly breaths. I would find myself briefly releasing a few tears, then when that ‘weird feeling’ left, I got up and went about my business of taking care of the home & little girl. My little girl did grow up in a peaceful, quiet home because I stayed in therapy for support and did body work when needed. It also helped that she was an easy-going child.
I avoided any new triggers over the years without even knowing it — serious relationships. I never remarried.
Well, 27 years later, I realize that I do want yo get married. I met the man of my dreams and he wanted to marry me, but…during a 1 1/2 year courtship, new symptoms (that had been dorment) were surfacing…and although he was patient, he reached his end. I had no idea that I was having PTSD episodes. My guy & I were very compatible, but I had no idea what he was going through — although I sure felt a lot of pain, myself. We just broke up two weeks ago, and then I find this website.
I am so glad to have found this site. I already did much work on PTSD symptoms & management years ago, so a lot of my symptoms are gone (no night sweats, night traumas, severe anxiety, unable to get along with people, hypervigilence, major depression, and a few of the other symptoms).
I now currently have symptoms of anxiety, the need for avoidance if feeling overwhelmed, and angry outbursts at my fiancé when he does not respect my boundaries of needing to be alone — he is very pushy and doesn’t understand that he is contributing to these symptoms in various ways. He has such a good heart…is sweet & gentle…and feels very safe to me because he just does not get angry very easily — he has extreme self-control with anger, which would be my main trigger.
Anyway, I look forward to reading these materials and getting back into therapy — if that’s what it takes to be married. 🙂
Agsin, I am thankful for this website & to those who share their stories. I am a newby, I hope that I can contribute and be of help, too, somehow.
Kind Regards,
~Barb P
M.S. Counseling Psychology
I can relate so much to your story. My husband was in law enforcement for 14 years and had 3-1/2 years left to retire. He was in the army and diagnosed with PTSD years ago but the symptoms have gotten worse over the years. He worked alot of fatality crashes and was highly respected in his job. Between all the death, issues with his boss and a few mistakes, he was pretty much given a choice to quit or be fired so he quit. It’s been a year, a very tough year, but he has gone back to work in another position. There have been a few times it has been very hard for me to not walk out the door. I’m always worried what is coming next, how bad will the next episode be? He has kids from a previous marriage (they don’t live with us) and they have no respect for me and don’t want us together because everytime something happens he finds a way to make it my fault and tells them he is leaving. We used to have a bad few days every few weeks or so, now we have a bad week or two at a time.
I know I am not alone but sometimes I feel like there really can’t be anyone else out there that chooses to put up with what I do. My husband has severe PTSD and depression. The main issue I have with the situation is the verbal and mental abuse I have been through. He can just be down right evil and intentionally hurtful sometimes and it’s getting worse. And some of the stunts he has pulled have been extreme and borderline crazy, literally. It’s hard to believe that someone who loves you like he says he does can seem to hate you so much at times, and doesn’t hold back on letting me know. I love him more than anything and I think I know how he really feels about me. The fact that I do love him so much and know that he has these mental issues has kept me strong enough to stay but it gets harder each time he has an “episode”.
Extremely happy to discover your blog! Wonderful resource.
Sincere thanks for you dedication to this topic. I will be directing many to you as an online resource.
P.s. There is a broken link in the words “take care of yourself first” on the page https://ptsdwifey.com/vicarious-ptsd-can-happen/
(Forgive me for noticing 🙂 I use to be in website design)
Hi,
I was just emailing you to know, if I could send some great article ideas your way for a guest post at your website?
I can provide you high quality FREE CONTENT, If you like my suggested idea. However, I would expect in return just a backlink, within the main body of the article.
Do let me know if I can interest you with some great topic ideas?
Best Regards,
Hassan K.
I am so grateful to have come across your website. My husband was just recently diagnosed with PTSD. He’s been in Law Enforcement for 25yrs mostly in high risk areas and he just went through his 2nd shooting with a fatality, which basically opened the flood gates for something none of us where expecting. He knew the walls where starting to close in but thought ” I have 5yrs left to retire I can suck it up and make it” but started to see a counselor. Small panic attacks, lack of sleep and little mistakes caught up and he has been asked to resign just 2mths post PTSD diagnosis. 12yrs with his current department without a write up or letter in his file and they are throwing him away without a thought. So a horrible diagnosis , losing the only career he’s ever known, the financial fear of what’s to come, and the lack of resources that are offered have exacerbated the problem even more. I see the strongest person I’ve ever known crumbling before my eyes and I have no idea how to help him. I’ve read through the website and see a glimmer of hope that not only could he go into remission but tools I can use to help him and keep our marriage intact. Thank you so much for taking your time, sharing your wisdom, and giving newcomers that one little spark of hope that there is life after PTSD.
Hello,
I read one of your articles stating that a family member was one of your husband’s triggers. Well, my daughter is a trigger for my husband. We have only been married for a year and a half and he just recently told me about the struggles he has been having. I’m not quite sure what to do. He doesn’t want my help (or anyone’s for that matter). I try to limit noise level, exposure etc. but it isn’t realistic. I have shared custody (week on, week off) so he starts getting nervous before I get her and then it takes him days to recover after she has left. Any suggestions?
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I am currently desperately trying to find a therapist for myself, however at the same time debating if I should just try the VA for Marriage Couples Counseling? I am praying that he would accept going. Then also contemplating if I should go through VA or private. I have this gut feeling he may resist the VA facility more than a private one. This has been so stressful, just doing the search alone for the right person during a time of need.
Hello Maureen,
What kind of information regarding Complex PTSD is most significant for you at this time?
Thanks so much for reaching out to me.
PTSD Wifey
Id like information on complex ptsd
Hello everyone. First of all, forgive my English (I am not mother tongue so mistakes are around the corner). I met my boyfriend a year ago, while we both were deployed. He was already retired, he is a Veteran. After our first date, he told me straight away he had PTSD. I really appreciated his honesty not even knowing what that could mean. I was familiar with PTSD because of my job but not about the effects on him…and on me.
We are apart at the moment, since months. We still together but it’s like a roller coaster. He doesn’t go to therapy, not only because he is deployed now, he never went or talked about it even when we both were living together in the USA. Tried to talk to him but no response. While there, we went through a lot. Explosive anger, depression, fear, fear of being left (from me), guilt, pain, cheating (not from my side). He is most of the time over – stressed. Hurting (also physically). Angry.
I know some of his triggers and how to relax him and help him sleep. He is recently complaining about nightmares. Since we are in two different countries.
Discussions are very difficult. Extremely complicated. I am always there for him, because I want to and I do love him. Very much. I just wish I could know how to make him feel better. How to help him. I hope I have given a bit of information in my post. Thank you very much.
My husband and I have recently been struggling and I have realized ptsd is the source. He got out of the army in 2013 and was snot diagnosed. However, his symptoms have just became more and more since he came home from deployment. He has never sought help because he of course sees it as weakness. Now we are at the point that he hates himself has attempted suicide and doesn’t know if he loves me anymore. He has agreed to get help, and my main priority is helping him whether he loves me or not. But of course I want to try to salvage our marriage as well. I’m just so scared that it’s too late.
Thank you for writing openly about this issue! I think my marriage might be headed down this road. My husband, who is an Army veteran, has some serious problems with memory and decision making. Just asking him where he wants to eat dinner is like asking him to make a life or death decision… he gets so frustrated and confused. Add in more complicated decisions like what school our daughter should attend, which plumber to use, or what car to purchase and it feels like such a nightmare for both of us. I find things in odd places: leftover meals placed in the pantry instead of the refrigerator or his keys in the closet on top of our bath towels. He misunderstands entire conversations, reaching conclusions that were never discussed and ignoring those that were clearly spelled out. He shows no other signs of PTSD or a TBI – no mood swings or fits of rage, so it has taken us awhile to realize this is not normal. Yet, we are only in our 30s and I often feel like I am living with an Alzheimer’s patient. He has filed claims with the VA that have gotten nowhere. Because he doesn’t suffer the emotional/mood symptoms, they always brush it off as stress. I find myself getting frustrated with him for not understanding things and I get resentful that I have to do all of the mental labor in our household. I want to do better and learn to be more patient. I also want to get him help, but I’m not sure where to turn. I look forward to reading your blog to try to get some answers and advice. Thanks again!
This seems like a great resource and I need to explore a lot more. I have been reading PTSD information for a year and while I understand PTSD, I have no idea how to deal with a husband who has it. I have am abusive ex and here I am again. In all honesty my husband just left AGAIN…this time is different though. I told him to go…usually he just shuts down and punished me by abandoning me (he knows that I have issues with abandonment so it is his go to strategy to avoid) not sure he knows that, but at least it is different for me this time. It’s a boundary thing. Like a previous poster…my husband and I were engaged 40 years ago when after a two year relationship he joined the military and left me behind as a 16 yo (giving me my very own PTSD)…two years ago we were married and it has been a nightmare almost every single day. He has manipulative family members who have been using him for years as his PTSD has made him “everything is good as long as no one has any conflict” man. Anyone can do anything to anyone as long as no one complains. Problem is marrying me upset their Apple cart and there is constant conflict and triggering. He retired a year and a half ago and has been in weekly counseling for PTSD as we are also in individual and couples counseling. All has gone NOWHERE except that he entered a residential PTSD program two weeks ago. He says he is progressing some but he won’t “process” at all..will take about the trauma events but not his emotions -“so maybe he can’t stay in the program because he isn’t ready to process enter.” I love this man. I know he loves me. But this is hell. I am devastated that I told him to leave (he is coming home on weekends) but I can’t keep doing this. Managing our life and Home all week while he tries to process and having him come home for a weekend of dealing with manipulators I have to appease lest I trigger him. I think I’m right to kick him out. But I feel mean and I feel sad and I feel loss.
Dearest James,
My heart just broke for you. Many of us in our PTSD Community totally understand exactly how you feel. We too have felt the same way. These unruly symptoms will bring someone to a low and dark place. But, this is significantly the main reason to connect with others who truly understand. What I love the most out of the connections I’ve been blessed with (others with PTSD), is that we can literally talk about anything, ptsd related, or simply anything. Just knowing that someone else “gets us”, does wonders for our recovery.
Have you thought about treatment? There are wonderful medical professionals who specialize in trauma and can help you find relief.
I’d like to invite you to our Facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/ptsdwifeyblog
Where you will feel normal, because, you ARE NORMAL! It’s okay that you have PTSD, and it’s okay it gets the best of us at times. You can take the control back, minimize your symptoms & frequency, and enjoy finding a romantic interest with a caring person who will learn about you, triggers, coping, and all else. Instead of what you have experienced recently.
I feel you will find these two articles valuable. Please reach out any time my friend.
(1.) https://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-quotes-inspiration/
(2.) https://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-sleep/
Hang in there James!!
I am new to this group, It took me 47 years and I see now that I really need help and support for my severe Pdsd this and anxiety and depression is taking a toll on my health and need to do something before it ends me… It is very difficult to talk about the trama I went through as a child and the affects still ruin me to this day , when in relationships I am always the giver and never have the support for what I went through. I always get told your an adult you can forget everything, put it in the past and move on. I am finding it very difficult.
Hello dear,
I’m very happy to hear that you and your partner are looking to get married and to move forward with your relationship. There’s no easy answer on how to perfect a relationship that faces PTSD. However regarding Trust, people that suffer from PTSD have a extremely hard time fully trusting others, and letting them in. The best advice that I can give you is to consistently be a good listener and reassure him that you are on his side, you guys are on the same team, and that it’s okay that he has PTSD and you love him. All of him! Which includes the PTSD.
Whenever you notice him in an anxious way or experiencing PTSD symptoms, the best thing to do is ask him what can I do to best support you in this moment right now. I still ask my husband how I can best support him when he’s in a way.And we’ve been managing PTSD for years together now. Sometimes he just needs me to listen and not give advice or input, then sometimes he wants advice, but 99% of the time he just needs me to hug him and look him in the eyes and tell him everything’s going to be okay and that it’s okay that he has PTSD, and that I love him. We call this process “Loving it away”.
A couple years ago we went through the same kind of thing where he did not trust anybody and would be combative towards me & even mean, and I had not given him a reason to not trust me. This always hurt my heart and left me just as confused as you are right now. But over time, he realized that I was the only consistent person in his life who truly accepted & loved him unbridled.
Another thing to keep in mind, is when you start picking up on PTSD symptoms when you guys are having a serious conversation like purchasing a home or making wedding plans, change the subject to something lighter and wait until his PTSD symptoms subside to continue the serious conversation. He doesn’t mean to shut you out it’s his symptoms that get in the way. So, on his good days it’s the best time to bring the topic up again. This could mean that you have a couple of smaller conversations over a period of time before you guys finish talking about a topic like purchasing a home. With that being said, keep doing what you’re doing, just love him, and know that it’s not you personally.
Please visit my Facebook page & “LIKE” it so that you can receive ongoing support and ideas regarding relationships and PTSD. I also send out a monthly newsletter that is chock-full of advice tips and inspiring topics that’s created just for you. You can subscribe for my website by entering your email address. But before you leave, please check out this article that was written for you, the unsung hero an hour PTSD community.
https://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-spouses/
Stay strong my dear, and message me on Facebook through my Facebook page anytime you want to talk or vent or just need a friend. I’m here for you!
I have just rekindled an old relationship from 20+ years ago. The man I have now is not the young man I had then. He is a veteran and suffers from combat PTSD. I come from a military family myself, but all served during peace times. I love him very much and want to do all I can to ease his pain. I am reading all I can and have read excerpts that could have been written exclusively about him. He gets very uncomfortable when I express my feelings of love, nurturing, and intimacy. I understand that is part of PTSD. Just recently, I have experienced him “turning” on me, and this was the first time. It was like a switch flipped. We were having a conversation about starting the process of purchasing a home and then he commented about something else and I guess my response wasn’t to his liking and he shut me out.
We are not married at this time; but are planning on it in the near future. I WANT to marry him, I love him deeply. What can I do to ease his afflictions and not contribute to them.
Dear Valerie,
I appreciate so much how transparent you explained CPTSD! It’s not easy telling our story, and to share yours biblically here on our website is not only brave, it will give people a true & concise description of what Post traumatic stress disorder is in real life. The more we can educate the world about the true dark nature of our disease, we can hopefully gain compassion, support, and validation from those who don’t “get it”.
You have accomplished so much and refuse to allow CPTSD to restrain you from your pursuit of happiness and recovery! You are not alone. There are millions of us out here that know what you struggle with daily. Hang in there sister. ♡♡♡
I have has ptsd for 10 years.I have o consistent relationships.I have a husband who is gone all of the time.I thank GOD for a roof over my head.NO ONE GETS IT.I wil feel better for a few weeks,then have one trigger,and go into hiding for a month.Addicts,alcoholics,loud noises or music,all family members,dogs,trains,crowds,the media,being alone for months at a time.having to go to stores alone,being around rough looking people,tatoos,any negative dark image,pretty much any dark dank places.Cigarettes,just plain funk.Period.I see the entire world as a filth hole. I have to plan all of my outings ahead.At night I hear the screaming.I am in therapy,but have to take myself everywhere.I cannot get ANY continuous support.And yees I am mad as hades.I try to go to church.I am told satan is after me and I just need to read my Bible more.I am a Christian,I was saved at age twelve,but raped,tortured,then married an abuser,raped and torted and stalked for 30 years,somehow formed a cleaning business,got myself off welfare,raised my daughter alone and dodged more predators,went to college got a degree and then got hit with the ptsd.Hospitalized and tramatized some more.I never have drank or used drugs.It was all around me.tried to commit suicide.Every shrink or therapist I have been to says I have complex ptsd the worse kind.I trust NO ONE,unfortuneately church is the worst place.I am constantly in fear and hypervigilant.No pity or compassion for us.We are victimized over and over again.
Hello Diane,
Thank you for reaching out!! How long have you known your fiance? You propose a very valid question that is difficult to answer. Primarily because each couple is different, and, a lot of it has to do with where your partner is on their journey. For instance, were they recently diganosed? Are they in therapy? Do they see someone for med management? Are you willing to go to therapy for yourself? (I highly recommend that you Do, it helped me so much). If you are more comfortable emailing me, I’m happily to discuss these and more with you. I’m also happy to reply here on my website too ☺. With the additional info I can give you better advice.
Sincerely,
PTSD Wifey
Hi. Just discovered my fiancé has PTSD. Your website is a life saver and blessing. The wedding is on hold for now. I am not sure if it is wise to move ahead with marriage given the high divorce rate for couples experiencing PTSD. Priority #1 is to keep the relationship and help my fiancé heal. I think that might mean not getting married. I have just scratched the surface of this stuff, so much to learn. What are your thoughts on this? Is the PTSD easier to manage if the couple does not live together (i.e., when we need a safe zone and some space, we have our own places to go to?). I appreciate any advice you can give.
What an honor! Thank you for nominating PTSDWifey.com and awarding me with ranking 36 of 75 Top PTSD Blogs/Websites. I am speechless, excited, and humble all at the same time.
Thank you for all that you do Anuj. Take care.
Hi PTSD Wifey Team,
My name is Anuj Agarwal. I’m Founder of Feedspot.
I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog PTSD Wifey has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 75 PTSD Blogs on the web.
https://blog.feedspot.com/ptsd_blogs/
I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 75 PTSD Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!
Also, you have the honor of displaying the badge on your blog.
Best,
Anuj
Hello Stephan,
Thank you so very much for sharing with our community!! The struggle is very real. However, there is so much that we can do to help ourselves recover and continue to improve our symptoms. I especially appreciate your advice regarding coffee. Caffeine can seem helpful in getting us moving around in the morning but as it breaks down in our bodies over a few hours, it actually is counter-productive!
A few articles that I suggest you read first are:
1. https://ptsdwifey.com/post-traumatic-stress-residual/
2. https://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-sleep/
3. https://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-routines/
Then browse around a bit. I’d love to hear more from you. Hang in there!
I’m interested in following this discussion. I am recovering from severe P.T.S.D. which led to years of isolation and self medication. I have D.I.D. and my therapist also had D.I.D. but has integrated and is a Doctor of Psychology. Though she says she is high functioning, the years of traumatic sex abuse have kind of left a mark on her soul and says there is always that “stain” but it doesn’t have to dominate our lives.
I could never work indoors, or around people. Close contact was exhausting as my hyper-vigilance went into overdrive. My dad was a sociopath and a pedophile, so it was like living in a major hurricane for 18 years. My nervous system was set on high and I unconsciously searched out women who were severely abused as children so we “vibrated” (for lack of a better word) energetically at the same level. This is also a great way to block memories because when you are running from one traumatic event to another, you can’t feel much.A calm person couldn’t tolerate the level of anxiety I required just to get through the day and they would also get me too close to the door where all the pain is buried behind.
I began using caffeine as my drug of choice and coffee has been my abiding partner in this passion play of self abuse and personal control. I also started drinking at night when I was 28 years old. I couldn’t understand why I craved that one drink at night but understood after I took my blood pressure. My blood pressure, when seated was running at 160 over 128 and when I took my blood pressure after my drink it dropped to 117 over 75. So, in a way alcohol may have saved my life, though it increases blood pressure the following day, and there is the need for a ton of coffee as the alcohol interferes with deep sleep and leads to mental and physical exhaustion. Kind of an evil see saw.
I became a caregiver to a man who was a recluse and had an explosive temper. This was the first job I ever had where I worked in close contact with people which of course brought up all of my issues and nearly cost me my job as I would have massive panic attacks when large groups of people would come to the house or around the family on holidays. So the job was a blessing because I had to finally face my abuse of coffee. I’m down to one cup of half decaf and half coffee. Which is an improvement from seven strong cups of coffee I was accustomed to.
The thing that helped me was a blood pressure cuff. I started seeing that my blood pressure was literally a few steps from a major heart attack or stroke. So I started meditation and belly breathing which helped. Some people may have tried blood pressure medication but I chose not to. I use wheat berry, quercetin and celery seed which seems to be helping. I also came to realize that my panic attacks started because I would stop breathing or would restrict my breathing to my upper chest, basically choking myself to nearly passing out. So when I feel the panic coming on I start to focus on deep breathing which has helped.
I refer to my terror episodes as second brain behavior. The old brain that was shaped by the 18 years of living with my dad. First brain is used to just do normal daily stuff. When I feel this panic coming on I just start saying this is second brain behavior and is no longer necessary. It sometimes helps because I could not understand in very calm situation why I felt like I was dying. I just go “oh, this is an old brain behavior” and I can sometimes stop the panic. Still a work in progress. Hope this helps. Thanks for fighting the good fight.